Music speaks....

I was blessed tonight by some of the most beautiful music ever composed and it was played by some of the most innocent yet talented students. They play because they love it. Most of them have not yet figured out the mark they can leave on their audience simply by sharing their talents. I had decided not to go to the concert but then I thought.....and decided they deserved a full audience. So I went. A piece that I had heard so many times by all kinds of ensembles just filled my heart. Don't you love it when that happens? Every once in a while we all need our heart and soul filled with something so pure, innocent, moving and beautiful. I wish I had made a video of the arrangement because I can't find it on YouTube. But here is a link to another arrangement: http://youtu.be/m7ibzmO04Io

Memories just flooded me. They were the good kind. The ones that make me want to live another wonderful day on God's beautiful Earth. The ones that give me affirmation. I thought about how many times my Mom and Dad sat in that very same audience to hear me play. They never missed a concert, even in college. I see my dad often but I miss my mom like crazy. And for the length of that song I could see my mom as clear as day. I could hear her voice and remember her laugh. Not being able to do that is something that I struggle with daily. But in that special place in time, my memories of her were perfect. I will never get more time with her on this earth so these memories are special. They are the moments that I hold my breath and wait for. They are the moments I want to have more often. 

There is no way to put into words how thankful I am for that 6 minute song. It was a blessing.  After the concert I looked up the translation.

Latin text

O magnum mysterium,

et admirabile sacramentum,

ut animalia viderent Dominum natum,

jacentem in praesepio!

Beata Virgo, cujus viscera

meruerunt portare

Dominum Christum.

Alleluia.

English translation

O great mystery,

and wonderful sacrament,

that animals should see the new-born Lord,

lying in a manger!

Blessed is the Virgin whose womb

was worthy to bear

Christ the Lord.

Alleluia!

The first three words.....they explain a lot. "O great mystery". Life is a mystery. Why we experience heartaches, happiness, blessings....these are all mysteries until we see Jesus face to face. 

God, I pray for the ability to trust in the mystery and to seek Light even in the face of darkness. I long for the day I can see Your face and see the perfect and beautiful face of my mother. Give me hope through my heartache and words to draw people closer to You. Give me faith to walk on oceans deep. Amen. 

Ole Miss Concerto Concert

Ripley High School--One of my first performances as a band director

Ole Miss/Tennessee Game

Battles...

What a crazy couple of months we've endured.  Today I'm "celebrating" my 32nd birthday without the woman who brought me into this tough, crazy but amazing world.  It's hard to put into words how I feel about that.  On the superficial side, I'm used to getting a sweet birthday card from my parents (that my mom picked out) and a nice little birthday check inside.  Instead, I got a nice little check from my dad this morning....but no card.  I told him I wouldn't take it unless he put it in a card....but he didn't believe me!  He's a smart guy and knows that I'll be at the bank to deposit it before lunch.

On another side, I woke up thinking so very much about this day 32 years ago when my sweet mother made her journey into motherhood.  She added a another jewel to her crown.....mother!  But she wasn't only a mother, she was the best mother.  Do you ever wonder how God decides which child to give to each mother?  However He decides, it is perfect just like everything else He does.  My heart is just overflowing with thanks for God allowing me to have such a wonderful mother for almost 32 years.  Yes, I would have much preferred to have my mother around for another 40 years.  But I am determined to have faith in God's plan.  He knew what my mother needed.  She needed Heaven.  She needed grace.  She needed a reunion with those that she missed so much.  And, God knew what we needed.  We needed an angel.  We needed a "come to Jesus" of sorts and that is just what my family got.

People tell you often that you should live life to the fullest and do whatever it takes to be happy.  People really started telling me that after Mom was diagnosed with cancer then passed away so suddenly.  But I really don't think God intended our lives to be happy all the time here on this Earth.  He knew there would be heartbreak, tough times, bad things, and days where we will all question if getting out of bed is even the right move to make.  All of those times bring us closer to God.....at least that's what they do to me!  Honestly, there haven't been many roads to turn down the past few months.  Most people would find that they've met their breaking point when their mother gets cancer and dies much too young.  But, for whatever reason, God felt I could handle much more than my mom & cancer.  I look back over the past 6-10 months and wonder how in the world am I even still alive.  Surely, people who go through this much just give up at some point and I'm sure some people think that giving up is the way to go.  I was lucky enough for the Good Lord to make me get up in the mornings so I could take care of myself and my babies.  His road was the only road I could even choose.

I celebrate 32 years with best Mom.  I thank God each and every chance I get that He gave me the most beautiful girl in the world that has (in my opinion) my mom's eyes, her smile and her laugh.  They even share a name.  So for the rest of my life I will be able to remember my Mom every single time I look at sweet Annalesa.  And every time that Elijah waves at Heaven, says "Hi Nana! Hi Jesus!" and blows kisses to the sky I know that this is all a "God thing".  His Nana is blowing kisses right back at him and he will always catch every one of them.  And when you think about it, is there really any other excuse that would even be valid?!?

Praise God for the battles we go through.  They just bring us closer to Jesus' feet.  What He brings us to, He will bring us through.

Elijah's birth day

Annalesa's birth day

A Song for My Babies

Since I'm a music person, every so often there comes along a song that speaks to my heart.  I heard this song a couple of days ago and immediately thought how perfectly it describes the love I have for my babies and the attitude I hope they will have towards me when they become old enough to know such.  After I listened to this song again, I thought about how perfect this song shows God's love to everyone.  I feel the same way towards God and also to my parents.  How many times have I been afraid to tell any of them what I've done, to ask for forgiveness??  How many times has my heart been broken only to have the pieces picked up by God and my parents.  I know I will be that kind of mommy to my babies for all the days of their life because God has blessed me with that ability.  And, I pray they both allow all of God's love to enter their hearts for all the days of their lives! 

So I also think what makes this song speak to my heart so much is the use of the bible verses (which have since comprised a poem) that are weaved in and out of this song. The poem is at the bottom...

Here's the audio link:  http://www.tenthavenuenation.com/2013/02/times/
http://files.emfcdn.com/downloads/audio/podcasts/kloveamanda_podcast8829_20120213.mp3

I know I need you
I need to love you
I love to see you, but it's been so long
I long to feel you
I feel this need for you
And i need to hear you
Is that so wrong?

Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh

Now you pulled me near you
When we're close I fear you
Still I'm afraid to tell you
All that I've done
Are you done forgiving?
Or can you look pass my pretending?
Lord I'm so tired of defending
What I've become
What have I become?
Ooh oh, oh oh, oh oh (X4)

I hear you say "my love is over,
It's underneath, it's inside, it's in between
The times you doubt me, when you can't feel
The times that you've questioned 'Is this for real?'
The times you've broken, the times that you mend
The times you hate me and the times that you bend

Well my love is over, its underneath
It's inside, it's in between,
These times you're healing
And when your heart breaks
The times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
The times you're hurting
The times that you heal
The times you go hungry and are tempted to steal

In times of confusion and chaos and pain
I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
I'm there through your heartache
I'm there in the storm
My love i will keep you by my power alone
I don't care where you've fallen, where you have been
I'll never forsake you
my love never ends, it never ends
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh

Selected poem lyrics from "Father's Love Letter" used by permission Father Heart Communications Copyright 1999-2011
www.FathersLoveLetter.com

My Child,

You may not know me,
but I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image.
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring.
Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.
Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.
Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book.
Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live.
Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb.
Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented
by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love.
1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father.
1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.
Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.
Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul.
Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me.
Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.
Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine.
Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you.
Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart.
Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes.
Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.
Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you.
Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you.
1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love.
Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me.
1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…
Will you be my child?
John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you.
Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad
Almighty God

A little late....Welcome Annalesa Holley

Born at 3:27am

7 pounds 7 oz

19 inches

One happy, healthy girl!

Fearfully and wonderfully made!

First outing with both babies

Well I survived my first outing with both babies with a little help from Tony. I chose to schedule both babies for their checkup a on the same day just to save time! Tony met us in Jackson and the appointments went off without a hitch! We are blessed with 2 healthy babies and such a wonderful pediatrician. We even went to Target to find a quick outfit for Spring pictures at daycare.

Help Us Pray for our Nana!

Every night at 8pm our church family will be praying for my Mom (Elijah & Annalesa's Nana) through January 4th.  Her appt at MD Anderson is 1/4/13 and I'm so appreciative of the people that intercede for Nana.  Please help us pray each night at 8pm.

I believe the Lord wants us to ask......
John 14:13-14 Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.

to pray in faith.....

James 5:14-16 Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another,that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

 

Mark 9:29 And he said to them, “This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer.”

 

and, to pray without ceasing and with thanksgiving.....

Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 

Sometimes we just aren't sure what to pray for and are scared we may be praying for the wrong things.  But, God knows our prayers before they are spoken.  I pray that he will give everyone who prays for Nanathe ability to pray them out loud without fear of speaking the wrong thing.  My family is specifically praying for complete healing and for the tumors to be gone.  Yes, that will take a miracle but there are miracles all throughout the bible....even in the New Testament.  I've witnessed modern day miracles here on earth and I believe God is ready to witness to others through our Nana.  We are praying for God to impart wisdom and hope within Nana's medical team at MD Anderson and Vanderbilt....specifically that her tumors may now be operable!!  We pray for the side effects (siezures, vision & speech problems, hair loss, etc.) to cease and for Nana's body to be restored! We believe all of those things will happen in Jesus' name because He has overcome the world....all evil will be cast out when speaking his name. 

 

Last night, we had our prayer and worship time at 8pm and listened to the song, "Healing is Here" by Deluge.  What powerful yet simple lyrics....

 

Healing is here healing is here
Healing is here and I receive it
Healing is here healing is here
Healing is here and I believe it

I reach my hands to the heavens
I lift my eyes where my help comes from
I look to You my rock my healer
I trust in You

Freedom is here freedom is here
Freedom is here and I receive it
Freedom is here freedom is here
Freedom is here and I believe it

Sickness can't stay any longer
Your perfect love is casting out fear
You are the God of all power
And it is Your will that my life is healed

 

Christmas 2012

I wish I could tell you about all of the fun we've had over Christmas......so far it has been anything but fun!

The flu must have been on someone's Christmas list because it got accidentally dropped off at our house! Beginning the Friday night before Christmas, Elijah came down with the flu. That was confirmed by Dr. Owens on Saturday morning. It's now Thursday night and he still had a fever today.......and Santa hasn't visited our home yet!

Poor Elijah. He has felt awful! He is missing nana and papa like crazy and they are missing him too! Tony and I are just exhausted from the sleepless nights. But we are so very thankful that neither of us caught the flu bug from Elijah!

In other news, Annalesa is right on track which is much different than my experience with Elijah. I measured 4 weeks ahead with him the last 20 weeks! I have "storked" at the hospital and have almost finished packing my hospital bag. Packing has been much more complicated this time since we are almost an hour from the hospital and we have a 1 year old to drop off somewhere!

And, mom will be going to MD Anderson in Houston next week. Please help us pray for a miracle. We need those tumors to go bye-bye! Prayers also for a safe trip for her and dad.

Happy New Year to all!